


Promise

by timeladyofletters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, F/M, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Reader-Insert, fear of water, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-01 13:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2774963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyofletters/pseuds/timeladyofletters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam helps the reader though her fear and panic attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise

You stood frozen in shock as the poltergeist dragged the little girl under the dark water of the lake. Normally, you wouldn’t hesitate to help a person in need; it was your job as a hunter to save people. But this case, this particular case, had brought on a sense of anxiety and panic that you never knew existed inside of you. As you willed yourself to move, a large form sped past you and dove in. Then a loud voice snapped you out of your trance.

“SAM!” Dean yelled, appearing beside you.  _Oh_. That was who jumped in after the girl.

You and Dean waited on the dock in silent agony as the water stood still. Then a few seconds later, Sam burst up through the surface, taking in a deep breath while keeping the little girl in his arms above the water. He quickly made his way to where you were standing, and lifted the girl up for Dean to pull onto dry land. Then Sam hoisted himself up, and flopped onto his back as he caught his breath. You crouched beside him, giving him words of encouragement as he steadied himself, all while constantly glancing over at Dean as he successfully revived the young child.

After reuniting the girl with her family and an uneventful salt and burn, the case was closed. As usual, Dean insisted on a celebratory trip to the local bar. Also as usual, he deserted your little group to chat up a hot girl on the other side of the joint, leaving you and Sam alone together. You fidgeted in your seat uncomfortably. Not because of Sam, but because of the constant dull ache in your right shoulder and your back. Not that there was really anything you could do to fix it.

“Well, I’d say we more than deserved a couple days off, right Y/N?” Sam asked you, taking a sip of his beer.

You nodded slightly before taking a long swig of your own, not in the mood for conversation, especially with the younger Winchester. You knew it was only a matter of time before he saw right through you.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve barely said anything all day,” Sam observed.

“It’s nothing. Just tired,” you muttered.

“Come on, Y/N. Cheer up! Today was a win. We did good.”

“I said I’m fine, Sam!” You insisted a little too loudly.

A flicker of hurt flashed in Sam’s hazel eyes before he blinked it away, a neutral expression on his face. “Okay, Y/N.”

Sam was right; you had barely spoken a word that whole day. Even now as you sat in a booth in a bar across from him, surrounded by generally happy people; you couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had followed you around for the past few days like a dark cloud.

You sighed, feeling guilty for snapping at him. If anyone in the world deserved to be treated with nothing but kindness, it was Sam Winchester. Never had you ever met such a genuine person in your life. Not that Dean wasn’t a good guy, he was, but Sam was on a Gandhi level of benevolence. He was also one of the fiercest and smartest hunters you’d ever met, and that was really saying something seeing as you came from a family of hunters.

Usually, you would avoid people of the monster-killing variety. It was why you hadn’t talked to your family in so long, and why you tried to escape The Life. The Winchesters changed all of that when you met them two years ago, and they’d been your family ever since. So it came as a shock to you when you realized that your feelings for Sam were a lot more than just friendly, though you vowed to never do anything about it.

You quickly drained your beer before saying, “I’m not really feeling that great, Sam. I’m gonna go back to the motel and turn in early.”

“Are you sure?” he asked with a creased brow. “Are you sick? Or hurt?” Worry had begun to creep into his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I swear,” you insisted. “My shoulder is just acting up again, that’s all.”

“Alright. I’ll walk you there,” he said simply, standing up and taking out cash to cover the drinks.

“No, no, it’s okay! The motel is right next door,” you said, not wanting to pull him away from having a social life for the night.

“Nope, too late. I’m already up,” he grinned. “I’ll just text Dean to let him know.”

*********************************

The walk to the motel was brief, with Sam attempting to make small talk which you barely contributed to. You loved spending time with Sam, but at that moment, even he couldn’t lighten your mood. When you got back to the room you were sharing with the Winchesters, Sam was adamant to stay with you and make sure you were okay. You were grateful, but you also didn’t want him to waste his time babying you. So, after allowing him to get you your usual pain medication, you practically pushed him out the door and told him to go back to the bar to have some fun. Then you crawled into bed and stared up at the worn ceiling.

Thoughts, good and bad, began to flood your mind. The hunt, the girl, the water, Sam; they all haunted you, and you knew why. It was why you hesitated, no refused, to go into the water for the girl. It was why you allowed Sam to take the dive that should have been yours, putting his life at risk. You were afraid, and therefore, you were weak by hunter standards. Tears sprung to your eyes as you mentally beat yourself up. The pain in your shoulder and back began to subside as the medication kicked in, dulling your senses and scrambling your thoughts. Then before you knew it, you were asleep.

Your dream started out the way they always did, normal and happy. They were never about anything in particular, and honestly you never remembered the beginning parts when you woke up. What you did remember was what your dreams almost always turned into. First there was the noise; it was all so loud and frenzied. Then everything would go black, and you would become overwhelmed by darkness and silence. Finally, you would have difficulty breathing. That was when you would start thrashing and screaming, still asleep, and one of the boys would have to wake you up and calm you down.

This time, however, was slightly different. In your nightmare, you heard the noises and saw the darkness, but there was something else too. You felt it grabbing you, pulling you, further and further. Then you saw its eyes; the red eyes that you had only ever seen once in your entire life. Except now there was a face to go along with it – the little girl from earlier that day. Her face was paper white and the blood red of her irises pierced into yours. Her skeletal hand was clenched around your ankle, dragging you deeper and deeper into the ocean. In her other hand was the arm of someone else. Someone larger, more muscular, and that person wasn’t moving at all. Sam. You opened your mouth to scream for him when:

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” You still felt a hand on you, except now it was warm and firm. The hand shook you, as if the person connected to it was trying to get your attention. But you could barely understand what they were saying because of the screaming. It took you a while before you realized that the screams were yours. Then you opened your eyes.

*********************************

Sam’s face was the first thing you saw. “Hey! It’s okay, Y/N, you’re okay. You had another night terror, but you’re fine now. You’re safe.” He was sitting beside you, on the edge of the bed; his hands were brushing the mess of your hair out of your face. Even though Sam had woken you up from nightmares like this many times before, you could never get over how tender he was with you. You took a few deep breaths and gulped down the water Sam handed to you, while he rubbed soothing circles into your back.

After a few minutes, Sam spoke. “Was it the same nightmare again?” He and Dean both knew about your night terrors. Hell, they were now experts at calming you down after, but you had never told them what your nightmares were about, and they never pushed you to tell them.

“Yeah,” you hiccupped before taking another sip of water.

“Did it have anything to do with that last case? Sam continued. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been acting…different lately. And this night terror was probably the worst one I’ve ever seen you have.”

You turned your head towards the wall, staring at nothing in particular, to avoid his gaze. You were so embarrassed by the fact that your issues were such a frequent part of the Winchesters’ lives, but you realized that you owed him some sort of an explanation.

“They got worse. The nightmares.” Your voice shook with every word. “They were always the same but ever since we started the last hunt they’ve been getting worse.”

“Do you have any idea why?” he asked you.

You knew right there and then that you had to tell him everything. You were always very vague about your past; you’d managed to live with the Winchesters for two years without telling them your backstory, but you couldn’t hide anymore.

“I used to be a Lieutenant in the Navy,” you revealed. Sam’s eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in shock but he didn’t say anything. You took it as a sign to continue.

“You know that I’m from a family of hunters. Well, I didn’t want that life, so I left. I went to school. I guess you and I are more alike than you thought.” You joked, looking up at Sam. He smiled at you, and shifted on the bed so he could brace against the headboard. Then he pulled you back towards him, allowing you to lean against his firm body, and put one arm around you.

“Go on,” he encouraged.

“Well, I joined the Navy, and got promoted to Lieutenant after four years. I was there for another year before the accident happened. The ship, no one knows what went wrong. But one second everything was fine and the next, there were alarms going off and people were yelling and guns were being fired at random. Some people said that something, a monster, was on the ship. Of course, the higher ups debunked that theory completely, but I know it’s the most likely explanation.”

You took a deep breath before continuing.

“During the commotion, I got shot in the shoulder and fell overboard. I was able to swim back up to the top, but something…happened. I felt something grab my foot and it dragged me down. It was cold and dark and I couldn’t breathe. I fought to get free, but the thing had an iron grip.” A sarcastic laugh bubbled to your lips. “We were trained for every ‘possible’ scenario, and my hunting background prepared me for the other ‘impossible’ scenarios, but this was something else entirely.”

“How did you escape?” Sam asked quietly.

“I have no idea. I blacked out underwater, and the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. The doctors said that my shoulder and that part of my back would never heal right, hence all the money we spend on pain medication every month. So I was given an honorable discharge. I went back into hunting not long after, and then I met the two of you. And the rest is history.”

The room became quiet for a while as Sam processed your story. At that moment, you felt stripped bare. Naked. Completely exposed. No one knew about what happened in the water that day. Until now.

*********************************

“Do you have any idea what that thing in the water was?” Sam asked you, absent-mindedly running his hands up and down your arms.

“No. It was something I’ve never seen before. I could barely see it in the dark, but I did see its eyes. They were bright red. And the skin around them was white like snow. I’ve been through tonnes and tonnes of lore, looking for answers; but I haven’t found anything even remotely close to what I saw.”

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. Of course you noticed, so you raised an eyebrow at him. Then he let out a long sigh before speaking again.

“Is that why you didn’t jump in the lake today?”

You got up suddenly, and walked over to the motel room window in a state of panic. Then you turned to walk to the bathroom, then you turned back to the door; you knew you looked like an idiot, but you didn’t want to admit to Sam what you had already admitted to yourself: you were weak and you put so many lives in danger today.

Finally you settled for sinking to the ground; knees pulled up to your chest and your head tucked downwards. In an instant, Sam was on the floor with you. Then without a word, he held you against him as your body began to shake with sobs.

“I-I’m sorry, Sam!” You wept. “I screwed up. That’s all I seem to do now. You could have gotten so badly hurt. That little girl could have d-died! And I was too much of a coward to do anything.”

“No, Y/N,” Sam countered, his voice sympathetic but assertive. “You’re not a coward. You’re not a screw up. You’re one of the strongest, smartest, best people I know. I can’t even begin to explain how much you mean to me. You care about everyone so much, and that smile of yours is contagious. And the fact that you’re still fighting, after everything that’s happened to you, is extraordinary. You…you make me brave, and I love you for it.”

Your head shot up at his words. Sam stared at you for a minute, as if he were having an internal conflict of some sort. Then he placed his hands gently on either side of your face, and gazed into your eyes. He gave you a small smile, brushing the tears away from your cheeks with his thumbs; before he leaned in and very softly pressed his lips to yours. Your body instantly relaxed against his as your heartbeat became erratic. Then, too soon, he pulled away, placing one arm behind your back and the other under your bent knees. He stood up, carrying you with him, and walked back over to the bed. After laying you back down and tucking you in, he walked over to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers with you.

“You’ll get your answers, Y/N. I promise you,” he whispered as he hugged you to his chest, your head right over his heart. “I will do everything I can to help you. We’ll figure it all out. Okay? Just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Please, promise me that you won’t bottle things like that up again. You held on to that day for so long and it’s been hurting you for years. You’re not alone, Y/N. Dean and I are both here for you. We care about you so much,  _I_ care about you so much; and we’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel safe again. But you need to stop beating yourself up. Promise?”

You were so overcome with emotion that you couldn’t think of anything to say. Instead, you reached up and captured Sam’s lips with your own. He seemed surprised at first, as if he was unsure of how you felt when he kissed you earlier. You wrapped your arms around him and opened your mouth, coaxing his tongue out with yours. Finally, Sam’s fingers tangled into your hair as he deepened the kiss. His touch was so much more effective than the pain killers and sleep medication you had been using for all those years.

When the kiss broke, you buried your face into Sam’s neck, breathing in a wonderful scent that was all him. He kissed the top of your head and gently tightened his grip around you. In that moment, you knew that he would never let you go. And you never wanted him to.

“I promise,” you whispered.


End file.
